he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize