Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
