I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
