I'm jealous of your bromance
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
