Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
