Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
