Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude i'm inner monologue high
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
