one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
