Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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