i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize