Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
