i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize