Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
OPIZZABONMYDICK
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
