I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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