sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
