I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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