my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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