census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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