got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
