I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
