I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize