My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
