So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
