you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
