i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
