I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I smell stomach acid.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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