Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
