i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
