I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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