new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize