I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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