Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
