I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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