It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
