My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
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