fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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