there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize