Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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