Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
