I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
