M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
