My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
