2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
