is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize