So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
