Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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