Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
