Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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