I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
