he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
