Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize