I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
