five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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