Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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