i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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