I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
