I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
