You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
