THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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