she woke up with a sticky ear
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Are we still banned from the library?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize