Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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