Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
