you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
