Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize