you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
