My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
