you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
