found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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