peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
