just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
