What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
