he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize