I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
