Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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