I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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