Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
