dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
