Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
