She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
