I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
