Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
